Act II, wherein we rejoin Hayden and Hannah. Hayden, for his birthday decided to go skydiving with Hannah, who happens to be a skydiving instructor, conveniently. They’re about 30,000 feet up strapped together.
Hayden: So I’ve been making some really bad decisions lately.
Hannah: Like squatting at my work and getting me fired.
Hayden: Well, for example, I blew out my shoulder wrestling a suspected home intruder to the ground three weeks ago and it turned out to be my favorite aunt.
Hannah: You said you hurt it chopping wood in the backyard!
Hayden: What? But we don’t even have an axe. No, I accidentally tackled aunt Kathy. And now, again, I ask you to take me skydiving and right before we go I chug a Mountain Dew. It seemed appropriate at the time, but the commercials don’t tell you it’s going to make you have to pee like a bitch.
Hannah: You tackled your aunt?
Hayden: My favorite one.
Hannah: No wonder she called and screamed at me the other day. You might want to let her know we have Caller ID, by the way.
At this point, unsurprisingly, the altimeter triggers the opening of the parachute, which is a good thing because Hannah completely forgot to pull the chord. As it turns out, the parachute opening is a rather violent action.
Hayden: Oof. There it goes. Ouch! The piss is, like, freezing against my leg. Damn it’s cold. I shouldn’t have had that Dew, and – Hey, Ouch, stop headbutting my shoulder.
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