A play in ten minutes.
Required phrase: For example, I blew out my shoulder wrestling a suspected home intruder to the ground three weeks ago and it turned out to be my aunt.

Setting: Auditorium. Media ethics seminar. Standing room only. It is cold outside, the room is overheated, the players sleepy, heavy lies the CO2 in the air. The lecture draws to a close, and the questions begin.

Players:
Ruprect- A blowhard. He is the first to thrust his arm into the ether after the Q&A period is announced. He has thought of something to say. Think C. Bently crossed with Jackie B. (she has a Pulitzer, by the way). Talented, no doubt, but a little much for the mortals among us.

Dr. Higgenbothem- Brother to Pell’s aforementioned creation. Expert on media ethics. Under qualified, over paid; the good doctor has never actually done the work of journalism, but has appeared on The Situation Room, or Crossfire, or whatever they call it now. Dr. H. won’t drink water because, “fish fuck in it.”

499 Journalists- Drunks, misogynists, gamblers. They are hung over, they are under paid, they are looking for a teaching gig somewhere. They represent an excess of education and a minimum of stability.


Dr. Higgenbothem:
And, so, we see that when a journalist has competing loyalties, the data reflect, and this is confirmed by the Poynter Institute in both public opinion surveys, and by polling the journalists for whom the question is germane, that conflicts arising within the newsroom, that is to say: within the purview of the field, the purview of the journalistic enterprise... And, maybe we should take a moment to talk about what that means. The journalistic tradition in the country populated by and with our forefath, errr, forbearers, is indeed a rich one. We have at the outset, primarily white men who both read and for whom the calling of bringing truth to the huddling mass was especially winsome. It was, and I dare say, is, a siren song for the righteous among us. It is known, and the archive reflects, the extent to which the least among us, the women, the Indians, the slaves, were perplexed, from the beginning, by the rapacious and incurable curiosity…

(The doctor drones on. The audience passes a flask of Jameson’s. Ruprect has hand aloft for some time. The arm is like a slight cattail moving gently in a breeze. The arm is blithely alive. The sight causes nausea in the journalists. They are losing the faith. A McDonald’s franchise is looking better with each passing moment.)

Ruprect:
EXCUSE ME, Doctor? Doctor? Up here. No, this way. Over here. Woo-hooo, up here. Me, me, me.

Dr. Higgenbothem:
A question? You have a question? Yes. Go ahead.

Ruprect:
As it relates to the field, and what I mean is: as it relates to, ohh I don’t know, someone like me.

(giggles in the gallery)

To what extend does the perceived notion of a lack of independence affect one’s ability to exercise due diligence in the course of one’s duties?

Dr. Higgenbothem:
I’m not sure what you mean. If you mean…

Ruprect:
What I mean is: how does situational awareness affect one’s ability to gauge risk and reward. For example, I blew out my shoulder wrestling a suspected home intruder to the ground three weeks ago and it turned out to be my aunt.

By K Harrington